Reflections regarding Tuesday August 13, 2024 in London, England

Tisha B’Av is considered the saddest day of the year in the Jewish calendar. It is a day that marks the destruction of the First and Second Temples, five hundred years apart, as well as Jewish expulsions from England in 1290 to Spain in 1492, the start of WWI, and the Holocaust when killings of Jewish prisoners at Treblinka began in 1942 and Jews from the Warsaw Ghetto were left to die in cattle cars in Malkinia also in 1942. We spend it in a state of mourning: refraining from eating or drinking for 25 hours, wearing leather, greeting others joyfully, washing ourselves, and putting on any kind of perfumes; reading the Book of Eicha/Lamentations which recounts the destruction of the First Temple and scattering of the People of Israel.

The rabbis teach that the destruction of the Second Temple was due to sinat chinam/baseless hatred. Many educational programs during the fast day focus on what baseless hatred is and how we can treat each other better. With this context in mind, it was important to me that the boys spend time learning about Tisha B’Av in a developmentally and age-appropriate way for their respective ages. Using multiple online resources, including Hadar’s Devash magazine, Aleph Beta, and Bimbam I put together a differentiated lesson plan that would allow each of the boys to spend time learning about Tisha B’Av while I worked with each age group individually.

This was also the first day in two weeks where I created a clear schedule that resembled our future school schedule to come. The boys were surprisingly eager to learn. Or, perhaps they were just excited to have a down day after all of our traipsing around. We started the day with davening/praying together. Then we broke up in two groups. Shai and Matanel in one room and Eitan and Amichai in another. Shai, Matanel, and I talked about times when something we had worked on really hard to build was destroyed and how it made us feel. The goal was to try and help them understand that these are the kinds of feelings we are supposed to try and feel when we think about how the First and Second Temples were destroyed. Then we watched a video about Tisha B’Av. I had uploaded coloring pages onto their computers that morning and had them work on coloring while I worked with Amichai and Eitan. They finished before I was done with their brothers and thoughtfully chose to watch additional topical and age appropriate videos on the YouTube channel they were on.

Amichai and Eitan also watched a Tisha B’Av video on the story of Kamtza Bar Kamtza as recounted in the Talmud by the rabbis. A quick summary: Kamtza had a party. Bar Kamtza, his nemesis was accidentally invited by Kamtza's servant. Whem Kamtza realized he freaked out and physically threw Bar Kamtza out of the house, even though Bar Kamtza had offered to pay for his own food and drink. The rabbis at the party were bystanders and did nothing. In response, Bar Kamtza meddled in politics between the Romans and rabbis, and intentionally wounded some of the sacrificial cows that were supposed to be a gift from the Romans to the rabbis. Eventually it got bad enough that the Romans decided to destroy the Second Temple and show the Jews a lesson.

The boys reread the story in the Devash magazine so that they could see the original language from the Talmud. Then, they chose one of the questions from the magazine to answer in writing. Together we spent time discussing the definition of baseless hatred and how the responses of Kamtza, Bar Kamtza, the rabbis, and the Romans were problematic and over the top, with one action leading to another action that eventually led to the destruction of the Second Temple. When they finished, we gathered together to share what we learned. It was a full half day of learning. I was very impressed with their focus and how seriously they took their learning. About 2:00PM, I let them go on screens because I needed a chance to rest.

When Chaim came home from work we took the boys to a nearby park with Simo because four boys with high energy need to get out of the house and run around as much as possible on a daily basis. On our way to the park a random stranger handed a kid’s soccerball to Matanel who wasn’t sure what was happening. Chaim read the situation and took the soccer ball from the kind stranger who was genuinely glad to give it away. The boys were ecstatic that they had a ball to play with. After hours at the park, everyone headed back to Carine’s house.

Chaim was exhausted and had hoped we would move to our new Airbnb earlier that day, but I was loving being able to spend time with Carine and didn’t really want to leave her flat. Moreover, the boys had no interest in leaving either. Eventually, Carine took Chaim with all of our luggage to our new Airbnb about a mile away while the boys and I hung out at her house waiting for the fast to end. Simo had prepared a scrumptious smelling meal of fish tagine, and I was not about to miss it. Ever the angel, Carine took the twins back before we ate to try and give them a chance to go to sleep before the older boys and I got home. After eating every bit of Simo’s meal, I couldn’t delay our departure any longer. Carine took the last of us to our new Airbnb and we settled in for the night.